Book Review: Why Her?

When a woman struggles to understand the goodness of God in her life, she will always look at the success of another woman as a threat to her success. Listen, just like Rachel and Leah, God’s goodness is surrounding you. Even if it feels like everyone else is winning and you’re losing, the goodness of God is at work in you because the goodness of God is at work in all His kids.

Why Her? by Nicki Koziarz, pg 175

I finished this book just moments ago, and I am near speechless. It was so well-timed and incredibly eye-opening. Full of personal stories, scripture, and practical advice, Why Her? by Nicki Koziarz may be the best book I’ve read so far this year. I laughed aloud, I was brought to tears, and I circled, underlined, and marked this book to death.

I discovered Why Her? last fall when someone recommended it during a women’s conference at my church. I purchased the book, stuck it on my shelf along with the two dozen other books that are yet to be read, and forgot about it until a few weeks ago when I picked it up to start reading. God brought this book into my life last year because He knew I would need its truth THIS year.

The fact that I struggle with discontentment and comparison is no secret. I’ve written about it far too much on this blog. But over the past few months, many times I have become completely paralyzed with these struggles. I actually texted a friend not too long before beginning this book that I was thinking about totally and completely quitting social media forever because I just couldn’t take it any more. The overwhelming number of people who (I felt) got blessed (in ways I wanted to be) was just too much.

But even if I disappear from the online world, that doesn’t solve the problem. It’s not a social media problem, although you know I won’t argue that less social media time is beneficial.

It’s a heart problem.

Just when I couldn’t bear the “why her and not me?” mentality another moment, I picked up this book. And by page two, God began to open my eyes and convict my heart.

God is a good God. And daily we need to remind ourselves that His goodness is all around. We need to see it, say it, believe it, and receive it for our lives. When circumstances are unfair and our hearts are aching, God is still concerned that we learn to experience His goodness.

Why Her? by Nicki Koziarz, pg 71

Why Her? gives six different truths to help us (specifically women) combat comparison in our lives, walking us through the story of Leah and Rachel in the Bible. Their story was messed up! So much jealousy and vengeance and, of course, comparing. Nicki dives into this story; and while I believe she took some creative liberty at times, I really appreciate how she brings Leah and Rachel to where we are, makes them sound like just normal women.

They were normal women, struggling with typical struggles, but growing up it was always the same story: Rachel was the pretty one and Leah was the one that kept giving birth. When I was a little kid in Sunday School, I always wanted to be Rachel because how awesome is it to have someone love you that much that they’d work for fourteen years?! Also, duh, I want to be the pretty one. In truth, this is a very complex Biblical account about hurting individuals who also struggled with discontentment and seeing God’s goodness in their lives.

Unfortunately, I strongly relate. The good news is that God doesn’t stop being good or convicting me of wrong even though I keep struggling.

My goal is to use the truths in this book to propel me forward as I seek to grow in Christlikeness and contentment. From being told that “Her gain is not your loss,” to “Even if we know the truth and understand who God is, our brains may not have caught up with our hearts yet,” Nicki did not hold back and I’m so grateful for this book.

Her writing style is very casual and easy to follow. I feel like Nicki and I are friends and the book was a conversation where she just did most of the talking. Each of the six truths has two chapters devoted to it, and they build on each other beautifully. Each chapter concludes with a hard question for you to answer and meditate on, as well as highlights a couple reminders from the chapter as take-aways. There is a lot of Bible, and also plenty of day-to-day practical advice, like fifteen ways to care for your soul (on page 112).

I heartily recommend this book to any woman who struggles with this question: “Why her?” I think more of us struggle with this than we’d admit, and it’s time to get honest about it. We can’t address an issue if we aren’t even willing to admit it’s an issue. Pick up this book, keep your Bible close by, and get ready to start digging deep into your heart. It’s messy, but it’s part of God’s work in us.

I’ve found one of the best ways to keep comparison from controlling me is to stay totally focused on what God is doing in and through me, because what He determines to be great is a lot more important than anyone else’s interpretation of it.

Why Her? by Nicki Koziarz, pg 204

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